Baseball and Congress

I had to dig out my Constitution yesterday and do a quick read-through. I couldn’t for the life of me remember where among the enumerated powers—those delegated to the Federal government and those reserved to the States—was the part about producing media shows on bulked-up behemoths of baseball. Why, I’ll bet Madison, Jefferson, Franklin, Hamilton and Jay would have been great fans of the sport. They seemed to be educated men who would delight in the nuances of the game. They certainly would have enjoyed an afternoon at the village green, sipping a Samuel Adams Lager and discussing the delicate timing of the 4-6-3 double play followed by a vigorous argument over the merits of the designated hitter. But, I’ll guarantee you that they wouldn’t have even for a moment considered the imposition of governmental control over the sport.

But, there it was on the Panasonic Plasma in my very own family room. The usual suspects in the Congress are front and center for the cameras, demanding further investigation, proposing testing (can you say 4th Amendment violation?), protecting the children (always a good posture), asking questions in the format of “when did you stop beating your wife”, and looking suitable miffed when the high-power, big-name, audience-drawing players repeatedly invoked their 5th Amendment privilege. What great theater. What a perfect example of a government gone so far beyond what the Framers considered that even Britney and Paris could see the problem.

Henry Waxman, that wonderful representative of the downtrodden who would cure every social ill with more federal intervention, waxes eloquently about the health risks, the disappointed fans, and the tarnished records. Elijah Cummings shakes his head dramatically at how the likes of Cobb and Ruth would have never done such things—oops, bad examples. They were more into excessive drinking and abuse of women. They didn’t yet have the wonders of modern medicine at their disposal.

And, of course, in the wings of the House committee arena we find Senator-with-a-cause-du-jour John McCain. Yes, John stands by to make all things right, regardless of Constitutional guidance that might stand in the way. That’s John who straddles the liberal-conservative line so brilliantly by on the one hand proposing First Amendment restrictions on Internet sites, libraries and election campaigns, while simultaneously seeking to gut the Second Amendment with increased gun control and ownership restrictions. Beats me whether he’s trying to appeal to or alienate both sides. But, he sure doesn’t like that steroid business in those baseball players and we’ve got to put a stop to it before kids in America’s high schools give up their pot, coke and meth for designer ‘roids.

Frankly it is a shame. It is a disgusting example of what big business and big money can do to a national pastime. Baseball, however, is just a game. It’s a way to spend an afternoon in the warm sunshine or the air-conditioned bar with a friend or two enjoying a beer and passing the time. Hell, that’s why they call it the “national pastime”, not the national-fanatical-sports-watch-every-second-or-miss-the-big-play game. You don’t watch baseball like football or basketball with great concentration to avoid missing the alley-oop dunk-a-rama or the hail-Mary to the end zone with two seconds on the clock. Baseball is meant to be a background activity on a lazy afternoon. All that spitting, scratching, bat-tapping, shoe-cleaning, rosin-bag tossing isn’t high drama, it’s time-killing for beer-drinking.

But, we’ve got TV audiences to please. We’ve got records that must be challenged and broken. We’ve got players earning hundreds of thousands of dollars per game and they must be paid. Why, the Colorado Rockies have got pitchers on the payroll for millions who haven’t even played in the same league for the last two years! That means you’ve got to be bigger, faster, stronger, and more impressive than mere mortals. You’ve got to be cream-n-clear huge to pay the bills.

Unfortunate circumstances all, but not the job of Congress to correct, investigate or regulate under any interpretation that I can glean from the Constitution. Maybe this might be the time for someone to bring forth that dusty old Tenth Amendment and ask the Supremes (who aren’t on the disabled reserve list this week) to make a decision on whether we should call this game or play it under protest.