Classless Society

We’ve all heard that America is a “classless” society. Supposedly this means that we are different and maybe even a bit superior to other nations in the world which continue to differentiate between classes. If you are born into the landed, aristocracy, you get things. If you are born into the laboring class, you don’t. But, that clearly isn’t true in America. We discriminate at least as much as other countries. Just try to matriculate at an Ivy League university and you’ll quickly begin to note some class distinctions. (At least that’s true if you don’t fill the proper politically correct quota du jour.)

No, the fact is that increasingly we are a society without class. We bemoan the decline of the culture and the rise of the hip-hop mentality, yet we flock to the most base activities without a second thought. It’s the free market at its disgusting best. From gangsta rap to professional wrestling to Internet porn sites, we complain about the stuff and then line up to give our money to the panderers. Yep, we ain’t got no class in this country.

One of the leaders in demonstrating the decline in class is Carl’s Jr., the fast food chain that offers us ads illustrating that it’s hip to be a slob. They claim that they are appealing to a young male demographic, the 18 to 34 year old. For several years they’ve had commercials stressing that their burgers are big, huge, meaty and most importantly sloppy. Ah yesssss, that’s what I’m looking for in nutrition; the characteristic of being able to drip all over my clothes and slobber down my chin. They could stress taste. They might highlight freshness. They might even go with size, price, service, availability or a huge load of calories. But, they choose to go with drippiness. I might consider it for my next important business lunch, particularly if I want to look like a manner-less, greasy, uncultured slob. Let’s shake to close the deal, as soon as I wipe this grease off my hands on my shirt front.

It started with glorification of sloppiness. Various locations with generally dirty, disheveled Carl’s Jr. fans unwrapping food in unwashed hands, then stuffing it indelicately into drooling mouths and inevitably dripping various globs all over hands, shirts, cars, ground, and whatever happens to be nearby. Ahh, yes. Children, I want you watch these ads and learn how to behave when you are out in public.

Then, we got the truly insightful series noting that “if it weren’t for us, some guys would starve.” Truly, that’s a way to get folks into your restaurants. Tell them they are too stupid to figure out what to buy in a grocery store or how to open a box of cereal and pour milk on some in a bowl. Thank you, Carl’s Jr., as a sign of my gratitude for your pointing out my ignorance I will rush to your emporium of sloppy delights.

Segue to the breakfast scene. “Marge,” the sloppy waitress drops the toast on the floor while serving then picks it up and puts it before the demographic target young male. She slops coffee all over the table and then is seen huffing on the silverware to polish it for the next customer. Does our targeted young man take umbrage? No, he shovels food into his mouth, dripping on plate and tablecloth in total unconcern. Classless?

But what about the talking, kicking, and smart-mouthed fetus? Baby is talking to mom about “wolfing down jalapenos”, but we know that the customer that ol’ Carl’s Jr. wants to impress is the absent dad. He’s the slob who got mom preggies and will chuckle at the idea of the womb resident kicking mom in the belly. Yep, that should get the old saliva flowing for a big, drippy burger. Great marketing.

Staying edgy now, Carl’s Jr. is forced to play “can you top this” with each succeeding gross out. And, we lap it up. Bring forth that paragon of American beauty, class, style, kitsch, fortune and studied ignorance, Paris Hilton. That’s aimed right at the core constituency, the hormonal and hungry young male. How about some scarcely clad writhing with a bit of wet T-shirt, a shiny black car and finally a huge chow-down on a Carl’s burger? Symbolism? Nahh, how could you be so classless? Freudian? Never happen. My dear Watson, don’t you recall that the President of the USA himself told us in no uncertain terms that oral activities don’t constitute sex? Carl's Jr Ad

Well, it works like a charm. They’ve gotten “buzz” with the campaign. They get to deny any regrets: Carl's Not Sorry. They get to appear on Bill O’Reilly’s Factor. They get millions of classless young men to equate slopping up a grease-burger with a potential sexual encounter with Paris. And, by eating Carl’s Jr. burgers, they probably believe they will someday have a Bentley in the garage.

Do you suppose there was a Carl’s Jr. in Rome in 454 AD? I’d rather starve.