A Day of Delights

Sunday was the day we all were waiting for. The usually shy President tried to overcome his reluctance to take the public platform and went out among the hostile elements of the mainstream media who have been aggressively opposing his every move dating back to his first efforts to enter this country as an immigrant from Indonesia with a sketchy past and an ultra-conservative mother.

Despite the deep-seated hostility of the national press corps, the President braved the lions and for the first time since his inauguration he went on television. As with all shy persons, he didn't choose a broad base for his appearances. At the suggestion of his staff of forty-six top-rated therapists who reached a consensus after the last four months of negotiation and review of a $137 billion study on causes and treatment of shyness, he choose narrow and tightly controlled market segments for his appearance.

The consideration was that if he spoke for short time to a single individual and in his own comfort zone of the Roosevelt Room of the White House, he could get through the ordeal. So, yesterday, America got to really see their President for the first time on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN and Univision. In quick, well-rehearsed, tightly scripted, pre-recorded and scrupulously edited video segments, he did a blitz of promotion of his favorite reading and historical perspectives from the 1917 revolutions to the nationalization and creation of the collectives of China. He seemed relaxed in the unfamiliar environment.

The citizen-subjects of the nation were delighted to see his face on channel after channel, each time across the five foot gap from a well-known and comfortably familiar avuncular news-reader celebrity. He exuded a warmth that has seldom been seen in recent years.

The topper for an already thrilling day of Messiah TV was his twenty minute live guest shot on the Home Shopping Network. He had changed to a less Presidential tie and indicated an approach to bipartisanship by donning a legacy Rush Limbaugh floral pattern that apparently had been recently purchased on eBay. (The reputed seller was not returning calls at the time of this writing.)

He was at the top of his game when he pitched a beautiful 14-karat gold-filled delicate chain necklace with zircon studded heart pendant that had a delightfully retro look. When he held it in his well-manicured hands, he accentuated the cut and clarity of the synthetic gems and seamlessly compared the similarity of his own healthcare proposals to real medical care. It was a delightful metaphor for those housewives who have been confused or unaware of the issue until then.

The necklace was offered at a special Presidential "no exorbitant profit" government negotiated contract rate of only $2750 with a special letter of authenticity. He stressed that buyers could pay it in 68 years of low monthly payments of just $49.95 per month and that doing so could shift the costs to the next generation and they would effectively get that beautiful necklace for free.

Well, I will tell you that as quickly as I could I reached for my phone. Alas, I was too late and according to the very nice telephone clerk in Sri Lanka, "My name is Betty. All dese nicklices are been already sold to dose nice men from dat federal regulatory agency for der wives. Would you like sometheen else?"

Still, I was calmed by the reassuring appearance of my President. He seemed in good health and his smile just made tingles run down my leg. But, then I realized it was only my dog scratching at my cuff to take him out for a walk.