You must have seen the TV commercials with the smarmy guy in business suit who offers something to a toddler then offers something much better to another child. "Would you like a pony?"
I've been TV shopping since SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed)opened the window of opportunity two days ago by saying, "Why don't we get a larger television..." and "How much better would our Blu-Ray viddies look in 1080p?" That led to a call to my satellite provider about some service adjustments and another HD tuner.
I'd been watching their commercials and couldn't help but be aware that they now promise "Free HD for Life" to their new customers. I went to the web page and tried to manage my account. That was the start of a downhill slide. I was about to get the toy pony so I figured I'd better ask about the real one.
First is the task of finding a phone number on the web site. It isn't everywhere. They would much rather you do your own work on the Internet forms. Or, maybe read the FAQ, or maybe submit an email query, or worst case load up their LiveChat applet. New customer? Oh, you call this number. Existing customer? Ahh, there's the number for existing stooges wanting a pony.
Dial, listen to machine telling me to state my request. Get decoyed into wrong menu choice. Wait for response. Get dropped for a busy signal after five minutes of advertising messages about what a valued customer I am. Lather, rinse, repeat three times. Twenty minutes into the engagement I'm ready for a cardboard pony if it will get me an interaction with a human.
Call once more. Punch "zero" in for every menu choice. Finally get a person. Ask about HD free. He tells me I'll lose my HD Platinum. I ask what channels that covers, since the info is unavailable on the web site. He rattles off a bunch that I've never heard of so I figure I can do without. I don't need Fashion Shopping Channel in HD nor the Fishing Network.
To get free HD, I've got two choice. Pay $99 or convert my account to paperless billing and automatic pay debit. I point out that $99 isn't "free" is it? OK, I go for the debit option. Ooops. Human can't do that on the phone. Must go to web site for that.
I ask about getting additional HD tuner, possibly with the DVR which they advertize and I don't have. He says that's an "upgrade" to my service. I point out that the web site clearly says three receivers at no charge and I've only got two. Ahh, that's for new customers on initial installation. But wait, I counter, I've been a valued customer (I know because they told me in one of the messages I heard while on hold...) for five years now. Don't I get at least the same service as a new guy off the street? Well, no I don't.
But wait again. I point out that when I initiated my service I got three receivers, but when I didn't add the third TV after a year I returned the unused box to the company. I want it back! Sorry, this is a program upgrade and you'll get a one time charge of...$99! Does the two TV DVR work through the system co-ax or does it need any extra line connecting the remote TV? Human doesn't know.
I sincerely believe that somewhere there is a company which actually provides customer service to their customers. I believe that there are real live humans answering phones somewhere to serve people. I believe they speak American English without accents and they can actually perform useful tasks for the customers. I believe there is managment somewhere that knows their business depends on satisfaction of their existing base and treating them at least as good as the new customer. I believe that customers are always right and satisfaction is guaranteed. I believe that behind the curtain is a real pony, but my TV service provider isn't treating it very well.
10 comments:
Well, Ed, that ideal customer service company sure wouldn't be Earthlink, my internet provider. The routine you described is hauntingly familiar...when I do get a human voice, it's usually Bambi from Bangalore, and if my question isn't in her script, she just sort of uses a dartboard approach to find an answer that might fit my question. When all is said and done, everything stays the same, because the consequence of change is either a loss in basic service--or at least a long term interruption....
Mike B.
Customers of satellite service, for the most part, have no other options. My home has no cell service, cable service, or even DSL service.
And neither do the alternative services I pay for have customer service.
Speaking of which, was there not a day when "government stimulous money" resulted in infrastructure such as the Interstate system, and electricity and telephone service?
Would now not be a great opportunity to upgrade the infrastructure technology? (Rail, fiber, power, etc)
eli
One word Ed. TIVO, we have 3 HD units and our Cable provider doesnt hold us hostage! :D
Ed,
I had the same experience as you during my attempt to talk to a Red Dot Indian regarding my satellite.
I suggest that you phone Comcast or Verizon (the dominant carrier in your town) and place all television's, your Internet plus phone on one account. You will find that this option will most likely be less expensive and immensely more satisfying that the bimbo's with which you have been dealing.
CG
Ed,
I had the same experience as you during my attempt to talk to a Red Dot Indian regarding my satellite.
I suggest that you phone Comcast or Verizon (the dominant carrier in your town) and place all television's, your Internet plus phone on one account. You will find that this option will most likely be less expensive and immensely more satisfying that the bimbo's with which you have been dealing.
CG
Someone mentioned Comcast and Verizon as being possibilities for you Ed, don't go with Comcast, I have Verizon FiOS now and LOOOOOOve it, way better than Comcasr or Xfinity or whatever they are calling themselves. We dont use their cable box though we use the Tivo's with Cable Cards....and we like it a lot.
Better than all these suggestions. Take your antenna, carefully disconnect all wires. Unscrew all fasteners and carefully lower it to the ground. Respectfully turn it over so that it faces China. Leave it there, monitoring for any untoward Communist broadcasts. It's tough for the first few weeks, but you're from Chicago, you'll get through it. After a while, you'll start wondering what all this talk about Glee is all about. When it's explained to you, you'll feel relief at having avoided the agony of that experience. You may even regain enough spare brain cells that you can say hello to the greeter at WalMart without worrying about your breathe in, breathe out brain cell being stolen.
If Joseph Goebbels had cable television in his day, we'd all be speaking German instead of Kenyan.
One solution to your problem is to move from the category of "Existing (Valued) Customer" to that of "New Customer." Canceling your service and re-ordering will get you what you're looking for. Also, by threatening to cancel your existing service, they will probably move you to a different customer service department, usually known as "Customer Retention." These folks can perform miracles (compared to the standard customer service folks, anyway) and can implement all sorts of price adjustments and service enhancements. But you don't get to play this game until you call them and tell them you're canceling your service.
FormerFlyer
Thanks to all for the helpful comments. Some additional info. I live in Smalltown USA. Access to HDTV is limited to satellite (Dish or Direct). There is a cable provider (SuddenLink)but they don't offer HD where I live. Verizon FIOS is reputedly excellent, but not available until 60 miles S. in Dallas. The cancel and re-up option was discussed only to be told that records reflect my status and would give away my ploy. New TV will have 802.11n wireless for Internet access and streaming of Netflix, Hulu, Amazon OnDemand, Pandora, Rhapsody, etc. all 1080p and 5.1 surround. I may not need more than basic Dish for my Fox news fix and football games.
I concur on the Customer Retention line. Politely ask for their supervisor. Continue the food chain process. Then start the "please cancel my service" process. You WILL get pressed back but finally xferred to the retention personnel.
Surely this is not Directv...have used them for a decade or more with NEVER any problem. Even refused the multi-service pkg with *spit* cable vendor. Will pay MORE to two companies to avoid cable TV.
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