Car Rental Convenience Conundrum

The car-rental business is complex and cut-throat. They don't differ all that much in the top tier. They buy lots of cars that mainstream America might not choose on their own and then roll them over into the used car market somewhere in a year or so. Some of the cars are pretty nice, even though they are bland white. Some of them are pretty bland, even though they are racy red. Technology is all the rage in keeping OJ Simpson from running through the airport...oh, sorry. OJ doesn't run much anymore.

I've got one of those Numero Uno Precious Metal club cards. I made my rental reservation and arrived to board a shuttle. Low digit jewelry card holders go to one place and (with disdain) "others" go elsewhere. You are supposed to have your name on a board and a clue to a stall where you car should wait. No name on my board. A dozen others, probably more than with names on a board, file into the office. When I move up the line, I'm advised that I'm an "Express" member. Back on the shuttle where I muse about whether that is better or worse. Shuttle guy says, "better!"

Arrive at Ellis Island sized welcome station. Hundreds mill about seeking cars. Far in the corner is a two-station counter labeled "Express". Here I get my car.

Actually pretty nice. An upgrade from full-sized sedan to behemoth SUV with "Bitchin Betty" the naviguesser aboard. Kool!

The keys are in it. Great. When I get to hotel, I note that I have a ring with two keys, two push-button remote lock/unlock and howl-for-help buttons and a plastic doodad that reminds me how to call the company if I'm in distress. Convenient, think I. Big, bulky, heavy, but convenient.

Then I realize I don't need all the keys to the local suburbs on a humonguous ring in my pocket. I only need one. I don't have another driver with me. I seek to detach just one key and one remote. The ring doesn't unscrew, unplug, unlatch or disconnect. A tug or two confirms this is braided steel wire with a plastic jacket. This is stupid.

I call the rental company. Nice lady says, "I'll give you the formal answer and the informal. Formal: that's the way it is, live with it. Informal: cut the wire with a bolt cutter and be sure to bring the pieces all back."

I don't need two keys. If they are bolted together a co-driver would need to be joined at my hip. If I lost a key, I'd lose them both. There is simply no justification for this. I don't get it.