Yes, boys and girls, it's that time again. The time when shopping malls, grocery stores, big box shops, radio stations, elevators and even the low number channels on Dish Network are all giving us that inane Christmas music 24/7 for at least a month. The stores are even displaying an assortment of new releases of repackaged arrangements by such warm, giving, clean-cut, non-denominational stars as Bob Dylan, whose growling two-note vocal range gives refreshing charm to such classics as White Christmas and Silent Night. Maybe Sting's disc is the one that will be under your Christmas tree. Or it could be that David Archuleta, the androgynous teen-aged wanna-be American Idol is going to brighten your auditory experience.
I know I've grown too old and curmudgeonly when I start to identify more with the starting Scrooge rather than the finished product. What with the Messiah's rape of the economy and blasting of the budget don't we all find ourselves asking, "Are therre no prisons? Are there no workhouses?" Which raises a perennial question.
Who is your favorite Scrooge? My vote is for George C. Scott. I would have loved to see the John Carradine interpretation or heard Lionel Barrymore doing it on radio. Patrick Stewart isn't my cup of tea and doing it as a comedy with the likes of Jim Carrey or Bill Murray simply doesn't work at all.
If you had regal powers, such as being the Messiah's Seasonal Music Czar, what Christmas Song(s) would you abolish from the earth for all time?
"Little Drummer Boy" by any artist.
"Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt.
"All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" by the Chipmunks, Spike Jones or Mariah Carey.
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by Jimmy Boyd or the Jackson Five.
"Blue Christmas" by Elvis
Anything done by a dozen or more almost identifiable sort of stars under the guise of charity. Nothing like a bunch of depressing images of hunger, starvation, cold, industrial grime and guilt to get you in the spirit:
But, there is hope and if it isn't found in the 86th annual release by Mannheim Steamroller, it might be something more like this:
Now I feel better. Merry Christmas to all.