Prime Rib and Hamburger Sort of OK

This will be a load off the minds of climate conscious carnivores all over the country. Of course you don't want to go out immediately like a human at the top of the food chain and ingest a lot of quality protein. Better to stick with brocolli and tofu casserole with soy milk for most meals. But for a once a month splurge, have some beef without guilt.

Inner Mongolian Cattle First Do No Harm

I am eternally grateful for the fact that this research was not funded by the Bamster's stimulus package. If this were a bit more than a week ago, I would think it was possibly an April Fool's Day spoof. I mean really, Dr. Butterbach-Bahl?

If you would wish to replicate Dr. Butterback-Bahl's work, first pick some well-known cattle grazing area like Inner Mongolia. Don't use Inner Mongolia again and look like a copy-cat. Try somewhere else like Dutch Guiana or possibly Tanganyika where they've got lots of grass and cattle and nobody really pays much attention to what you are doing with them because they are all starving trying to do their part to stop the ice-pack melting and save those polar bears.

Then fit all of the cows you find with a ludicrous seven-foot long fluorescent red gas bag and a pipe up their butt all held in place by a webbing harness. Warning, this is the most difficult part of the experiment. This is the point where Dr. Butterbach-Bahls became singular, simply one Bahl. The cows were not voluntary participants. Honestly, would you like to go around with an eighty gallon tank full of your emissions strapped to your back for a month or two? People (and other cows) begin to shun you.

See the picture for the idea of the apparatus as well as a close-up of a very disgruntled cow.

Now come back every day or so and see what you find in the gas bags. Be sure not to release it into the atmosphere because that will cause forty two hurricanes this year and the Eastern Seaboard to be re-established around Knoxville and Indianapolis.

Your experiment should prove conclusively that cow farts don't kill. Growing grass kills. Or something.

I'm so relieved. Maybe porterhouse tonight, rib-eye tomorrow and meatloaf on the weekend. Roast beef sandwiches for lunch. I'm doing my part for Nitrous Oxide control.