Garbage Gestapo

We don't think much about trash pickup when we move. I'd lived for 20 years in Colorado Springs and garbage service was all independent contractors. You subscribe to a service and they come by once a week and pick up your trash. If you don't like the service, you switch companies.

In my small Texas town the trash service is handled by the city. They use a contractor, but it is city-wide and not the responsbility of the residents. I learned to like it very quickly. On Tuesdays and Fridays of every week, the truck would come by and if I remembered to put the trash out at the end of the driveway, it disappeared. Like post-office flat-rate boxes, if it fits it ships. I never had anything left behind regardless of whether it was two kitchen trash bags or a dozen. Boxes from shipments, went easily. Old plants, big bags of yard refuse, even the occasional lamp or lawn chair were all dealt with.

The contractor offered recycling if you wanted it. They provided you with three color-coded milk crates and you sorted and loaded them. They would get picked up on Thursday. Frankly, I don't want to be bothered. I don't think it is a practical solution to pollution. It certainly takes more energy to re-process used products than it does for original production. I opted out.

Tuesday of this week I was sitting in my office and heard a commotion on the street. I looked out the window to see a large truck loaded with poly-karts dropping them off in front of each house. I was impressed. The wheeled cart would hold all of my garbage bags until pick-up day and I would never again be bothered by strings of ants crawling into my garage to gnaw on chicken bones and lie in wait for my chubby hand to bite when I took the bags to the street. Oh joy!

Twenty minutes later a second truck arrived. The first poly-kart was green. This visit dropped off a blue one. I'm not sure I need a second kart, but I'll see how this works out.

I head out the door to move my new, bright and colorful garbage wagons to the garage. Attached to the blue one is a brochure to describes the service. That's when the problem began to surface.

Effective on July 1, the following rules take effect. All of town west of Union Street will have trash picked up on Tuesday. All living east of Union will have trash picked up on Monday. Trash goes in the green kart. One pick up per week rather than two.

The blue kart is for recycling. All living east of Union will have recycling pick up on Wednesday. All will recycle.

What goes into the recycling kart? Cans, but no paint cans. Bottles of glass but not of plastic. Aluminum but not foil or aerosol cans. Newspapers, paper, shredded paper, cardboard are fine. Plastics 1-5 and 7 are OK, whatever they are. I'm clueless. And, no plastic bags or styrofoam.

Karts will be within two feet of the street. Kart lids must close. Nothing will be picked up which is not in a kart. Karts may not be within ten feet of a parked car, structure or tree.

Like a dutiful prole, I begin to strategize. I will stop putting my newspapers in the white trash bags. I need to put the wine bottles aside as well. When I get a case of wine delivered, I'll have to break down the cardboard box and spacers for the blue kart. If styrofoam packed I'll take those spacers and put them in the green kart. Maybe I'll buy another trash can for the utility room so that I can keep the loose recyclables until a trip out to the garage. I need to buy a box cutter to break down the cardboard.

Then I got to thinking.

I'll have loose trash that I can't bag, since plastic garbage bags can't go in the blue. When I get a delivery with those damnable styrofoam peanuts, I'll have to dump them loose in the green cart and then break down the box. Inevitably they will be spilled on the street during pickup. When my office shredder is full, I won't be able to pack the shredded material in a plastic bag.

I read the brochure. I'll bet most of the unwashed in town don't read it. When the trash is picked up, it is dumped in the truck from the poly-kart. It is not identifiable when it gets to the processing point. No one sees or touches what is in my karts.

Conclusion! Blue kart on Wednesday, green kart on Monday and there ain't gonna be a damn bit of difference what goes in them. Good news. I still get two trash pick ups a week and in the process I can conduct my guerilla campaign of resistance to the gestapo.