Monday, January 02, 2012

Tar & Feathers

The seasonal bleeding is now officially over. It wasn't pretty last night. What was once America's Team is now firmly in place as Jerry's Jokes. The line for the game was Giants by three and that is usually the standard line for equal teams with one gaining home-field advantage. It never looked that close for a minute. By the half with the score 21-0, the outcome was assured.

The pre-game demonstrated once again the fallacy of having Sports Chick on the sideline looking cute and making pithy comments about her recent conversations with coaches and players. She waxes eloquently on the medical condition of Romo's injured hand. They offer comparative close-up photos of swollen paw and then analyze the pre-game warm-ups where all snaps were taken from shotgun formation. "Romo won't be able to take a single snap from under center..." she confirms.

First play of game, Romo is under center. Romo is handing off with right hand. Romo is under center again. Romo is throwing routine interceptions and taking regular sacks with full mobility of right hand. So much for Dr. Sports Chick.

Defensive genius Rob Ryan wears baseball cap, possibly in an attempt to cover his 1885 Buffalo Bill hairdo which has not seen Pantene conditioner or even Tide detergent since Reagan was President. Manning picks the secondary apart, avoids blitzes, shatters zones and simply scores at will.

The question now is what does Jerry Jones do to fill his multi-billion dollar monument to excess next year?

Some suggestions:

  • Send Rob Ryan to Wade Phillip's house in Houston in a four-hundred pound crate with no return address
  • Offer Romo on the free agent market to Buffalo
  • Propose a $200 million buy-out of Indianapolis first-round pick and use it to get RB Griffin III. 
  • Hire Peyton Manning as quarterback coach
  • Post guards at the door to the Jones suite at the stadium so Jerry can't interfere with coaches
  • Make defensive players carry a 55 gallon drum around with them all summer until they learn how to wrap up and tackle
  • Teach offensive line to count to three so they don't false start
It ain't gonna happen, but it should. 


juvat said...

I take it Dallas lost? /sarc

Anonymous said...

Tough, real tough. My bride's a Dallas native and I've been a fan since year one in 1960. Got to spend a few quiet aviator minutes with "The Coach" and Mrs Landry when he made a near zero/zero precautionary into Robert Gray Army Airfield in 1995 after a complete gyro failure. (FWIW, RAPCON said his no gyro GCA was picture perfect, guess he never lost that B-17 touch). We take the Cowboys seriously here. regards, Alemaster

Six said...

Sorry Ed. But hey, the Niners got a first round bye and a home game!


(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite Dallas Cowgirl Highlight for this season.

Love listening to Gabriel Trujillo even though the only word he says that I understand is "Touchdown Arizona!!!"


Anonymous said...

And it's a great weekend when Notre Dame. The New York Yankees and the Dallas Cowboys all lose.

Pedro Chavez said...

Why send Rob to Houston? Wade is there he's doing well. Thank you. Sideline sports chicks? Better looking than Ryan, besides, it's a show. Remember PT Barnum?

hitman said...

Pretty good year for Packer fans again.