Gremlins

They used to talk about "gremlins" in airplanes. They were mysterious creatures that caused things to go wrong but yet could never be found by maintenance after landing. They were the cause of that strange noise from the engine when you got out of gliding distance from the shore or over the mountains in the middle of the night. This week I've got gremlins in the house.

I saw the voicemail message light flashing when I sat down at the desk this morning. Picked up the phone and mechanically speed-dialed the number. Nothing. Not a lack of messages; simply no sounds from the phone. Tried again, but listened first. No dial tone. Strange! Sort of a hollow noise like a phone has been left off hook somewhere in the house. Check all the phones. No dial tone on any of them. All properly in place.

Not going to be a good day, but then my computer obediently opens Outlook and downloads my email. Chrome  responds and all the web sites are working. No dial tone, but the DSL line is rolling on without a cough.

OK, maybe there is phone service going on in the neighborhood. Wait an hour or two and check for dial tone regularly. Nothing doing. Dig out the Verizon support phone number and go through fifteen layers of automated attendant entering digits on the cell-phone before finally talking to nice human being. She asks if I've checked the residential service box outside for a dial tone. I suggest that I try to keep my clumsy hands out of utility boxes on the side of my house.

She reminds me that if the service guy comes and the line is good to that box, I'll be charged a fee. She explains that you have to open the box and plug a phone into a RJ 11 jack that will be found there. Dial tone? Then it is household wiring not phone company problem. Why would household wires go bad spontaneously overnight? Gremlins! Oh, and remember that if you check with a wireless handset, you'll have to plug the phone base in somewhere, so that means drag an extension cord outside.

A little while ago I remembered that I had an old-fashioned wired handset in a guest bedroom. Out to the residential junction box. Neat lettering says, "Phone Company"  and "Customer Access" on two closures. I open my section. Bundles of wires and a plastic thingie with red tabs are found. Ahhh, good news! There is a plain English instruction sticker on the door interior. It tells me to open plastic thingie and find an RJ 11 jack inside to test phone line. I do and it is there.

Plug phone in and voila, a dial-tone. Bad news. I'm going to get charged for a service call. I close up box and return to house. Replace guest room handset and voila, a dial-tone there! Go to office, pick up wireless handset and voila, dial tone!

Go to Verizon web-site and try to cancel service call. Web-site won't let me do it. Find 800 number and pick up now functional phone to call and cancel service visit. No answer. No ringing. No bloody dial-tone! Back to guest bedroom. No dial tone there now.

This is clearly a case of gremlins. Bad ones.

And that doesn't even begin to discuss the brand-new Dell all-in-one printer that I installed last Thursday, but on Sunday morning was totally black. No power, no on/off, no functions. Went through full range of trouble-shooting, power connections, re-booting, network connections, and nothing. Call customer service and new printer on the way. Plug in and nothing. Recycle brand new extension cord and now works.

Gremlins!