Tuesday, May 15, 2012

They Wouldn't Dare!

The tongue of the writer seems to be firmly planted in cheek, but when it is New York writing about a monument one must be cautious. There is always the possibility that someone might take it seriously and then where would we be?

There is simply no telling what could happen. It was not that long ago that some fool suggested that baseball could be played under lights. Well, sure it could. But that would mean you hadn't planned the first pitch time very carefully. Or maybe you weren't considering how cold it can get in April or October when the night wind blows off the lake. Maybe even it would be the result of extra innings in a hard-fought close game. But, for that eventuality there is still the Scarlett O'Hara dictum, "I'll think about that tomorrow."

Baseball is for relaxing in the sun. Give me a hot dog and an Old Style and I'll be happy on a sunny afternoon. But they went ahead and put lights up, didn't they? So, consider this suggestion and then discard it before anybody with any authority gets to see it. Those towers deface the otherwise classic facade of a early 20th century ball-park and shine into the eyes of CTA elevated train operators every game.

Try not to notice the absence of any of those practical parking lots around this place. It simply is what it is. Get over it. Somebody would steal your car anyway.

WSJ says: Destroy Wrigley?

Well, if they did destroy the old girl then what would come of the investment of these fine entrepreneurs on the Waveland and Sheffield avenues? These folks have committed to the Cubs without any contracts but a glassy eyed stare and no threat of a handshake. What about their season ticket holders?

It wouldn't be worth winning. It just takes faith and prayer and maybe an unhittable closer. Where would they build a new ballpark? You can already see the suburbs lining up to bid on the project. Then you'd get some aberration of a team name like the Los Angeles Angels at Anaheim or Invesco Field at Mile High or even The Ballpark at Arlington. Could you really cheer for the Chicago Cubs at Mount Prospect? 

 I suppose the new park would have some sort of new-fangled digital technology to show humongous videos of batters, great catches, botched plays and busty girls eating kielbasa sandwiches in the stands.

Scores would be displayed with LED colored lights and there wouldn't be any sweaty bubba in a torn white T-shirt hanging out of an empty frame on a hut summer day in August. Just think of all the displaced rodents infesting that edifice!

Tell those New Yawkers to butt out and look for the Polo Grounds. See how that worked?

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