Sunday, August 16, 2009

Memo to Messiah

In re: Grand Junction Campaign Stop

From: "Thunder", AKA "Fast Eddie", AKA "concerned management"

Just a few notes I jotted down from watching your staged event yesterday in GJ Colorado.

1.) Don't call it a "town meeting"--the drooling faces of mindless fools arrayed as backdrop aren't random citizens. They are props. They don't represent America and they don't represent Colorado, except for maybe Boulder.

2.) A debate isn't what you had, regardless of you calling it that at least a dozen times. FYI, a debate involves two sides discussing a subject--that means give and take. Particularly it means rebuttal and questioning of your position after you state it.

3.) Admit that you don't answer questions. You merely create the illusion of response. Someone asks a question--like that surprisingly market-driven student from UC Boulder--and then you regurgitate your memorized talking points which don't relate to what was asked. You are non-responsive, so stop the facade.

4.) Review your script. It is absurd. You start a spiel and before you finish the second sentence you have demolished your first premise.

5.) Recognize that there is NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH. You may shorten that in future correspondence to TNSTAAFL. You must pay for what you are going to give out. Tell that to your customers. The government has nothing to dispense except what you first take from the citizens.

6.) Stop blaming the previous administration. They are gone. You are in charge. You have quadrupled the deficit you found in place when you took the position.

7.) Stand back and examine your continued references to Medicare. You can't say it is going broke within ten years and then expect us to believe that providing coverage under a similar model to everyone will fare better.

8.) Drop the "Death Panel" issue unless you really want to explain what would be talked about by "end-of-life" counselors.

9.) Desist with the Fedex/UPS example of surviving private companies while USPS founders. It ranks with the Medicare failure as a very poor example. I don't want healthcare at Post Office quality.

10.) Consider using America's dismantled passenger rail service instead of the Post Office if you must use a government program example. Amtrak is certainly a model that fits your imagery. But, it sucks too.

11.) Finally, go back to Washington and function as the chief executive. You won the Presidency. You don't need to campaign. You don't need to sell. You need to run the country--even if you've never run any other enterprise in your life.

12.) Look into maybe a correspondence course on business management. They can send you study materials in plain brown envelopes so no one will notice what you get. Learn about profit/loss, accounting, cost/benefit analysis, and maybe even some leadership skills.

Now, get back to work. We're watching you and so far we are disappointed in your job performance. I've got to tell you we may need to replace you and some of your co-workers soon if things don't change.

Da Boss

1 comment:

Anna said...

We are paying him to be President, not Campaigner in Chief. Can I get a refund?