Sunday, April 29, 2012

Keeping Score

Longtime online junkies will remember Usenet. It was a network of hundreds of groups of common or exotic topics which supported threaded discussions. Many of the groups sprang up and never drew an audience so they languished as a blank space in cyber-land. Others were active and vigorous areas that fostered exchange of lots of information. Some were polite, courteous and valuable resources while others were cesspools of trolls and flamers.

Usenet is pretty much history now. The fools have gone to YouTube comments and anonymous commenting on blogs. Serious trolls spend their days tweeting their every flatulence certain that the world awaits eagerly. Social networking is Usenet with color graphics. It can be a valuable tool or a pustule on the butt of the Internet.

Isn't it inevitable that people would keep score?

How do you know if you truly have value in the grand scheme of things? You must be rated and you must grow your score so you can exchange high-fives with the other dweebs in your Google+ circles. That's where Klout comes in.

Likes, Comments, Retweets & Shares

Can you imagine the shattering of the fragile psyche as you discover you are virtually without influence? What could you do to get the world to take notice? How could you generate value to yourself. Maybe fire up Foursquare so everyone can know where you are. Check in and then you can LinkIn with all of your buddies. But, what if they take your location and use it to avoid you? How would you know?

Maybe this is the better solution. Evaluate your "asshattery" quotient.

Klouchebag Measures Your Worthlessness

Yep, there is something to aspire to. I've got somebody in mind and I think they would really knock it out of the park, score-wise.

Here's the criteria:
To pinpoint your score, Klouchebag judges your tweets based on four criteria:
  • Anger: “profanity and rage.”
  • Retweets: “‘please RT’s, no or constant retweeting, and old-style.”
  • Social Apps: “every useless checkin on foursquare or its horrible brethren.”
  • English Usage: “if you use EXCLAMATION MARKS OMG!!! or no capitals at all, this’ll be quite high.”
Go for it!

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